Yesterday I celebrated my seven year anniversary of moving to Portland. For a long time since that first day, I got stuck in a deep rut and it felt like nothing significant in my life would change. Then all the sudden everything changed. Back in 2012 I abruptly, finally had the opportunity to accept my dream job as a college art instructor. At the time I was an adjunct but within the year I was hired to try out a temporary, full-time teaching position (now ending in four weeks). Shortly prior I’d gotten engaged and then married in 2013. Soon after that I got pregnant.
I know how fortunate I am to live at a time where becoming a mom is something I’ve been able to do only after feeling ready to do it, and while I certainly have aprehensions about all this I can say from a very deep place that I am really ready.
At the same time I also have to admit that I didn’t know how hard it would be to continue to make my work while coping with pregnancy stuff and also teaching full time. The stuff I have made is probably too personal/self-indulgent to stand as work. I hope things will turn around once the baby is born, but pretty much any parent I talk to scoughs at the likelihood of that happening. Still I believe it will.
I haven’t said much about this pregnancy to anyone other than my husband, my doctor, or my mom. That’s partially because I’m damn introverted, but it’s also because my closest friends and the people I most identify with tend to not have kids so now there’s sort of a growing chasm between us. Also, I used to feel SO WEIRD (albeit in a fascinated way) when people I knew had kids and wouldn’t talk about anything else, so I’ve tried to purposefully talk about everything else but this baby when I’m with people or communicating via social media. But honestly I’m thinking about the baby ALL THE TIME so that leaves me very quiet. Like this blog, I haven’t had much to say here in quite a while. At least now, maybe you know why.